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Which Of The Three Degrees Has Made The Largest Personal Impact
Upon Your Life?

Bro. Mark Wilkie-Facchin

Many believe my favoritism of the third degree is rope to strangle myself. With tears streaming down
because of what most brethren say; the ambiance, my face, I put the makeshift noose over my head, and
the overall theme, the story, etc. My reasoning goes a as I did, something strange happened. Everything in
little deeper than that, and while I’m a very outgoing my life ashed before my eyes, the faces of those whom
person, I’ve never fully told this story to anyone other I cared about played in my vision, and the girl who I
than my wife and closest friends. I’ve come to see not liked smiled at me in my head and despite everything,
only my Lodge but all of Masonry as another family. I I realized, I couldn’t do it.
feel comfortable sharing this with all of you now.
e next day, I walked in a cloud of embarrassment
2003, the year I turned sixteen, and the world was and shame. I felt I was a coward because I couldn’t do
to be my oyster. Or, at least it would have if I had it when the time came but little by little, the shame
been considered amongst the “popular” teenagers at passed and I found more and more to be grateful for.
the time. Unfortunately for me, I was the heavier kid, e droning of that individual was silenced and over-
which meant life was hard in more ways than one. taken by the sounds of laughter, conversation, and
Girls had little to no interest in me, sports were for- growth.
eign to me, and while I was blessed with two very close
friends, we stood out like a sore thumbs insomuch as You’re probably wondering, while this is a sad story,
we, as “outcasts,” found commonality amongst each what does any of this have to do with Freemasonry
other. and the topic of this essay? Let’s move to the night of
my 3rd degree.
On the surface, things seemed all right; I wasn’t at
the top of the food chain, but I got by and for the most I had worked, studied, and learned all I could as a Fel-
part, that was ok with me. While other kids can be lowcraft and was ready to knock upon the door once
mean, they mostly left me alone. Only one stood out more and ask to learn the secrets of a Master Mason.
as the classic “bully” for me. He made it his business When the door opened, I was taken aback at just how
to make me feel as horrible about myself as possible. di erent the room looked and felt. Something was o ,
It started small with a comment here, a joke at my ex- there was no smiling faces to look out at for support,
pense there, but soon escalated to what I realize now all seemed somber, and something seemed wrong.
to be psychological torment. I quickly dreaded going
to school and while the anti-bullying campaign has My guides led me further inward, and as I passed
grown by leaps and bounds, the guidance counsel- the wardens to prove my pro ciency, the somber feel-
ors at that time were content to gently nudge me into ing grew. I had noticed the word death repeated more
“solving my own problems” because, after all, I was than once, and my eyes darted around the room, not
“bigger than him.” wanting to miss a single detail. I took my obligation,
the words hitting me and staying with me as if I were
November 9th, 2003, will be a day that will remain in handed a great weight, which was now my burden to
my mind for the rest of my life. It will stand as a testi- bear. As I looked at my brethren, I could now see that
mony of not only what can happen if something is left each of them carried a similar weight.
unchecked for too long, but also as a reminder to nev-
er walk that path again. e evening of November 9, After, as I stood in the north alone, I felt very vul-
2003, was the night I had planned to commit suicide. nerable. e hairs on my arms stood up, and I got a
Even writing those words now brings a small chill feeling in the pit of my stomach that I should be wary
across my body. I had endured enough and, to me, it of something; a feeling of unknown dread hit me. At
seemed no one was interested in helping me and so, to rst, I wasn’t sure what the feeling was to put a name
avoid any more torment, this was my best option. to it, but I knew I had felt it before though I wasn’t sure
where.
I wrestled with the decision for weeks before nal-
ly realizing I had no other option. I wrote a note and As the lecture reached its conclusion, I found myself
cleared out my closet. I had planned on using a bit of down and motionless. I was as the earth beneath me,

Montana Freemason Page 14 July 2019 Volume 95 No. 5